The One About Forbidden American Love...

 - Vancouver, British Columbia -

"Nathan,

I am a young Muslim woman. In university, I fell in love with an American. I am American as much as he is, but he isn't a Muslim, thus in my family's eyes that makes him something entirely different. My family is a devot Islamic family, so I know they would never approve of our love. But that's just it....I love him. I believe he would do anything for me, and maybe he would convert? I don't know. I don't want him to convert just because of me, but it is important to me to pass on my faith to my children. I know he would make a good father, but he isn't Muslim, so my family would say that he wouldn't make a good father. Sorry if I'm rambling. I love him and I want to marry him, but I don't know what I should do. I've never felt this way about someone before. What should I do?

Sincerely, An Unrepentant Lover"

NO: I think the most important thing right now is to sit down and talk with this man. If he feels the same way about you, then he is willing to do anything. If he is willing to convert, then your problem is solved right there. But if he is hesitant, then talk to him about the future. If you did have kids, would he be willing to let you raise them Muslim? I think it's important that he respects your faith and how you want to carry it out with your future children. These are all things that as a couple you guys really need to sit down and talk about.

As for your parents, if there's anything I hate, it's overbearing parents. Maybe I was just raised by a very liberal mother, but I cannot stand controlling parents. You're a grown woman. This is your choice. Not theirs. Remember that. You. Are. A. Grown. Woman. You're not living in the Middle East, you are living in America. Saying “it's a free country” is a bit of an overused and cliche line, but it's true. I get wanting to respect your parents' wishes, but unfortunately love is love. If you love this man, your parents have no right to hold you back from that. No right. And if they can't respect you if you do marry this man, are they really the people you want to be respecting back?

What should you do? Listen to your heart and talk to the man you love. At this point, your parents' point of view has nothing to do with this.

-NO

Comments

[Brenda Tarrabain]

Well Nathan, while I agree with you in part I think it is very important that children, even grown adult children, honour their parents. That philosophy is not just a Muslim tenant but a Christian one as well. While this young woman does have every right to make her own decisions she will have to live with the consequences that will come from not honouring her parents wishes (if that is what she chooses)... now that being said, they may "come around" when children arrive, but that doesn't necessarily happen either. Also to consider, does she want to live the rest of her life in a household that is divided in faith. That can be exceedingly stressful on a relationship. What if this is a Christian man who wants to raise the kids in a Christian church do they flip a coin and see which religion they want to raise the kids under... Yes you are absolutely correct, they need to talk and talk and talk... they need to make informed choices before they continue down the path of love. Once the honeymoon is over and you are into the nitty gritty of living life you need to be united as a couple in the decisions that you made together. If they can't agree now... they should cut their losses. If they do agree, they need to be fully upfront with their families and make their choices known ( as you said it is a free country and they do have the right to choose). She just needs to accept the consequence of her choices, because for or against the relationship, there will be consequences in both directions.
Good article, and I am sure you have given her food for thought!

[Human]

Don't marry the boy you love; love the boy you marry. Love comes after marriage. What you are referring to is LUST.